There was a recent article in the PetsMatter monthly newsletter about living with blind pets, and Homer and I were proud to be featured in it.
Judging by some of the emails I’ve been receiving since the article came out, many of you reading my blog are coming here because you saw the article and have questions about living with a blind dog or cat of your own.
For some general advice about living with blind cats, I hope you’ll check out my “Living With a Blind Cat FAQ“. Please keep in mind that dogs and cats are very different animals in crucial ways–and that I know no more about living with a blind dog than anybody else. Still, some of the information in that FAQ will probably be useful for dog owners as well as cat owners, particularly if your dog is small.
The heartbreaking letters, though, are the ones asking whether or not I think the writer should put his or her elderly blind pet to sleep. I also am living with a senior pet who is ill, and whose quality of life isn’t what it once was. I wrestle every day with whether or not I’m making the “right” decisions when it comes to her care, and whether and how I’ll eventually “know when it’s time.”
It’s 100% natural to want to get an outside opinion in such cases. The more important a decision is to us, the less we tend to trust our own judgment–and the more inclined we are to ask others for their insights. I’m on the phone with my vet several times a week. I’m beyond lucky in that I have this blog and the incredibly helpful practical advice I get daily from so many other loving, committed pet owners.
Ultimately, though, nobody can tell me definitively “when it’s time,” except perhaps my cat herself. And I can’t tell anybody else “when it’s time” for their pet. Your vet is probably the best outside person to consult with. But it’s impossible for me to determine whether or not “it’s time” for a blind, or deaf, or blind-and-deaf dog or cat I’ve never met. Do I think in general that blind or deaf pets can have a good quality of life? Absolutely! Do I think your blind or deaf pet is enjoying his life? I can’t possibly know.
I can, however, sympathize, as can so many of the people who read and comment here and on the countless message boards and online support groups dedicated to “special needs” pets.
I can’t make the decision for you. I can’t even make it any easier for you. But if you care enough to take the time to write to me–to do the research and agonize over with the right thing to do is–then you care enough to know what the right thing to do is. Trust your heart. Trust your dog or your cat. And trust that you will have the strength to make the best possible decisions, whatever those turn out to be.
I sincerely believe people’s pets tell them when it’s time – if the humans are listening & watching. I know my Kukla did. And I responded to what he was telling me & he trusted me to do so. I firmly believe that and always will. Losing him hurt SO badly, since he’d just turned one year old, but I loved him enough to let him go and, as you advised, I trusted my heart & my kitty.
Roxy was 10 years old when I had to let her go; her illness was sudden and devastating, and there was no way of alleviating her suffering. I have nothing but praise for the Cats Only clinic in Vancouver, which made it possible for her to pass on in my arms, in a beautiful little room with a window and with art on the walls; the two clinic cats came and sat quietly outside the room. The vet sent me a sympathy card with a personal, handwritten note. My apartment felt like a vault after; I felt my heart had been ripped out. But I knew that Roxy was at peace, and I think she knew her time was not long, as she “introduced” me to Newt, my darling big boy cat, but that is another story.
Yep, I agree with Laura: “…people’s pets tell them when it’s time”. I however found out the hard way that listening and more so dealing with my feelings is absolutely the hardest part. No one can tell you better when it’s their time to cross over the rainbow bridge than your pet.
Our “fats boy” left us just over 1 year ago and like many others have said it hurts bad. They live with you, amazingly know when you are not feeling good, give unconditional love, and yet trust you unconditionally as well. Over time you discover how they feel, when they are happy or hurt, and when it’s time to let go.
I received my monthly issue of Catnip, the newsletter published by Tufts University’s Cummings School of Veterinary Medicine, and it has an article about euthanasia and deciding “when.” I can’t find it in electronic format but in the search I did find a short article on grief.
http://www.tuftscatnip.com/downloads/GriefCopingTips.pdf
I think if you know your pet, you’ll know, provided you keep their well being ahead of your own.
I still feel guilty and sad about my cat “Bear.” My friend and her dad had to make the decision when he was suddenly suffering from a heart disease. I was working a seasonal job in a remote place, and my friend was taking care of my kitty. He was only 3 and a half year old and healthy cat until that night. He woke my friend up, and he was in pain… my friend took him to an emergency vet in the middle of night. The vet told her some options, they can treat him but they don’t know if he gets better… My friend discussed with her dad on the phone, and they choose the option; put him sleep. I learned the news next day… I was very very sad and crying all day. I wasn’t there for him, I couldn’t involve the decision making, I was at the place where cell phone doesn’t work… It’s done but I still feel guilty. I really miss Bear a lot, and I regret that I left him behind. I know I can do nothing at this time… I just hold on to good memories with him. I know many of you are doing your best for your pets.
There is a wonderful book in the library called, THE NATURE OF ANIMAL HEALING. It’s by Dr Martin Goldsmith, a long practicing vet in upstate New York. Among all the other excellent advice is a chapter on letting go. Everyone who has a pet in their life should get this book from the library, or buy it.
Sorry, correction on the doctor’s name. It’s Goldstein!
Gwen, I’m forwarding to you a poem that was posted to a cat health group on Yahoo.It makes me cry to read it, but is so true of the times that I have had to make the agonizing decision. And it speaks with the cats voice.
I send this with a very heavy heart. My beloved Bitsy is having a battle with crystals in his urine and the bleeding is awfull. I pray that he can hold on untill morning so that I can get him to a Vet.
The Poem;
May I Go, May I go now?
Do you think the time is right?
May I say good-bye to pain-filled days
and endless lonely nights?
I’ve
lived my life and done my best,
an example tried to be.
So can I take that step beyond
and set my spirit free?
I didn’t want to go at first,
I fought with all my might.
But something seems to draw me now
to a warm and loving light.
I want to go, I really do.
It’s difficult to stay
But I will try as best I can
to live just one more day,
To give you time to care for me
and share your love and fears.
I know you’re sad and so afraid,
because I see your tears.
I’ll not be far, I promise that,
and hope you’ll always know
that my spirit will be close to you,
wherever you may go.
Thank you so
for loving me.
You know I love you too.
That’s why it’s hard to say good-bye
and end this life with you.
So hold me now, just one more time
and let me hear you say,
because you care so much for me,
you’ll let me go today.
gwen: after i read your book, i sent you a email, which you replied to, and thank you ! but i have to tell you, i totally feel your pain. in the email that i wrote you, i shared with you, i had a elderly cat. chelsea. she was 19 years old. when she was 18 years old, little did i know but there was a bunch of tainted food going around, and i was feeding it to chelsea. she grew extremely sick, and never moved from the couch for 2 days. no litter box, no food, no water, no nothing. i kept couch side vigil and called in to work for 2 days. on the third day we decided that it was probley best we put her to rest. on that third day, after praying to God and crying for 2 days straight, she was better ! my prayers were answered. but………..short lived. that tainted food i was giving her caught up with me 11 mos later and she was in total liver and kidney failure. just shy of 5 mos turning 20, i had to put her to sleep. like someone before me just wrote, it just ripped and tore my heart out all the anguish i suffered going thru that. nothing prepares you for the end. especially when you have had your furry “kid” for so long. i know in my heart, i did the right thing, we tried IV fluids, everything. but in the end, chelsea was telling me, it was time i let her go. i was being selfish hanging on for myself. but………as you said yourself, NOONE can make that decision for you……….and NOONE can tell you when its time. i think what you are doing for your girl is absolutely spectacular. all i can say is……….i wish you the best of luck in all of your decisions. some will be rewarding…..don’t give up !
Vashti is in good hands. You have a good heart. She knows it.
When my Princess kitty’s Cancer metastisized, I was told (by a vet who was not Miss P’s regular vet) to “take her home, show her around the apartment and bring her back in two weeks” to be euthanized.
I was so insulted by this uncaring attitude! (and I was crying my heart out becuz Miss P had been diagnosed beyond a doubt, as terminal)
So with the REGULAR vet’s ok (she came on duty when I got to the hospital to take Miss P home) I used prescription meds alternating (safely) with holistic meds and Miss P picked up for a while (for much MORE than 2 weeks). Then more tumors popped out all over the place and after having had 3 previous operations, there was no more hope. But Miss P and I kept on going and I treated her with the gentlest of love and care.
Why am I saying this? because altho I KNEW she was terminal, I could NOT bring myself to have her euthanized. Was SHE telling me this? Even tho she was skin and bones, with all my care — she still walked, ate, used the box and slept on my bed. I told her “Princess, I cannot have you put down — forgive me if I am wrong, but if I had you put down right now, I would be a murderer”. That is the way I felt. Perhaps that is the way SHE felt too. She was a tenacious kitty who loved me (and I loved her dearly) and perhaps she wanted to spend the rest of her time with me.
When the time came, I knew it beyond a doubt. Looking back on that night I think she wanted to die in my arms. I took her to the vet (at 2 in the morning), to avoid further suffering. What did I know. I did my best. They are SO forgiving — even if hindsight makes us feel like kicking ourselves.
Hi Gwen! I’m so glad to hear the baby food is working. It is a miracle food for cats, isn’t it?
A couple of days ago was the two year anniversary of the day I helped Velvet to the bridge. She had CRF.
The day before Velvet died, I spoke with my aunt who is the Director of Grief Support for a hospice. She said if I don’t put Velvet to sleep, am I prolonging her life or prolonging her death? For me this was the information I needed to make my decision.
Some other things that helped me to know it was the right time:
Tosca, my youngest cat, had never hissed at Velvet. Suddenly she started hissing. I’m sure you know it is instinct to banish the sick from the pack in the wild. That’s the samem instinct Tosca was using here. Velvet started to have a very unique smell. I won’t describe it here but it was unmistakable and nauseating. Velvet also stopped grooming herself. This can be just a sign of illness but in this case was a sign that it was Velvet’s time.
After talking with the doctor, after seeing how Velvet was doing, after reading all the advice on the internet, and running every test possible, I knew I would have peace when it was time to put Velvet to sleep because I knew I was doing everything humanly possible for her. I never knew what peace was, not really; not until the day she died. We go through life and think we understand peace. We hear it used so much we forget what it really means until it happens. Just like we don’t really know what being in love is until we are finally in it. I was going through something so terrible but I learned what peace really is. Peace was the greatest gift of Velvet’s passing.
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After Velvet died, I told my friend about how I knew it was Velvet’s time to go, including her lack of grooming. As it happened, her parents’ cat, “Lucky,” had recently stopped grooming. My friend told her parents to take their cat to the vet. It’s a good thing they did. It turned out their Lucky had Bobcat fever. This is a disease in domestic cats in the South. They contract it though tick bites. It is 99.99% fatal. The best prevention is Frontline but that’s no guarantee. And the disease is spreading further north each year.
Lucky lived up to her name by living. She was the miracle cat that survived because of prompt treatment, fabulous doctors, and the grace of God.
Velvet’s death still makes me cry at times. I think it always will, but I feel better knowing the timing of her death helped save a life. If I had waited another day to put Velvet to sleep, Lucky would have died.
I am reading all these posts with tears in my eyes. ust the thought.. I know one day, hopefully FAR in the future I will have to deal with this & I’ve learned so much here. As I look at my 2 happy healthy kitties, I will justplay, cuddle & love them every day. Life is a gift, not a given.